"Four Wellknown American Haiku Poets and Children's Haiku: #1"
I once sent several haiku written by children to four wellknown American
haiku poets, and asked them to choose some and make comments. All of them
were very kind and wrote to me as follows. I'm sure that every teacher can
learn a lot of important points from them.
What's that
Swinging in the persimmon tree?
A bagworm
-------------- Kentaro Hibino
[ Mr. Robert Spiess] I like this one the best. Although the haiku does
not state it, one can also imagine persimmon fruits hanging on the tree.
[Mrs. L. E. Harr] I would suggest a line change.
A bagworm
swinging in the persimmon tree-
that's what!
as it is - it is summed up by the 'bagworm' as a 3rd line. Q. and A. in
reversal- it springs a moment of enlightenment as a big surprise to the
reader.
[Mrs. L. A. Davidson] Question and answer is seldom used in haiku, but it
can be effective as in this instance where the observation is an uncertainty
followed by quick enlightenment. It follows so closely after the first wonder
that it is all of one observation. We have all had this experience with
something that puzzled us momentarily. The form is irregular in 2-8-3, but
effective.
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